Old Habits
by CandyCharming
Summary: A double one shot, in which Blaine has a history of self harm. Mentions the break up. Romance would be the third genre. Trigger warning: Self Harm.


**AN : Unbeta'd and it' crazy late, so sorry for any mistakes, I just really wanted to post this.  
**

**Trigger warning: Self harm.  
**

It's the end of the first week of their first summer break together that Kurt finds out.

They're cooling off on Blaine's bed side by side on their backs with their hands linked between them. Kurt lets his hand wander a bit, stroking Blaine's fingers, the palm of his hand, his inner wrist void of the watch he always wore. Before it registered in his mind Kurt felt Blaine tense beside him. He trailed his fingers back and forth over his wrist again, frowning as he felt several horizontal, slightly raised marks. He lifted Blaine's arm so it was in his sight.

"Blaine?" Kurt asked as his boyfriend quickly pulled his arm away and moved to sit on the end of the bed, with his back to him. "Blaine."

Kurt sat up and crossed his legs but made no movement closer to Blaine, "Please, Blaine."

"It's nothing," came a quiet response.

"If it's nothing why won't you even look at me?" When he was once again answered by silence Kurt flung himself off the bed to kneel down in front of Blaine. "Please tell me what those marks are."

He finally looked up and was met by Kurt's concerned gaze. "They're just some old scars. They don't matter anymore."

"They clearly do or you wouldn't have reacted like that when I saw them." Kurt said, voice rising slightly.

"Look, I-I. I used to cut myself. Used to. I don't really do it anymore."

Kurt stood, and took a step away, "You "don't really" do it anymore?" Kurt included air quotes, "What does that even mean?"

"I _don't_ do it anymore." Blaine said defiantly, "Why are you mad at me?"

"I'm not!" Kurt all but shouted.

"Kurt, I know you. You're mad at me." Blaine stood up and Kurt took another step back.

"Of course I'm mad at you!" Kurt could feel the tears in his eyes, matching the ones that were forming in his beautiful boyfriends. "I thought we'd always been honest with each other. You told me about the bullying, about the boxing, you even told me you love me. Why didn't you tell me about this?"

"This is why!" Blaine shouted gesturing between them. "I do love you, you're my best friend," he added quietly.

"You know I love you too, so please explain this to me," Kurt let his tears fall, he just needed to understand. He stepped closer to Blaine and took his wrist into to hand and led them to sit on the edge of the bed again. Kurt turned his body so he could see Blaine, who sat facing forward, feet firmly on the ground, not looking at him.

"It was just a way of letting out my frustration at first, and then I began to need it. It made me feel good… until after, when I'd look at myself and be ashamed, and hate myself more. I stopped doing it so much after the Sadie Hawkins dance. I took up boxing to help vent my frustrations instead."

Blaine turns to look at Kurt, who quickly wipes his eyes with his sleeve in that adorable way that he loves, "So why didn't you tell me?" He asked softly.

"At first, it was because I needed to be there for you, and be strong for you, and then it never came up. It's not something that is easy to talk about. And I know that this is hard for you to hear, and I never wanted to hurt you."

"It does hurt. This really hurts, because I hate the thought of you feeling like you- like you had to do that." Kurt picked up Blaine's arm again, this time to place a tender kiss on the scarred wrist. "This doesn't change anything. I'm still impossibly in love with you."

Blaine leans in to kiss Kurt's teary smile, whispering into his open mouth, "Thank you."

…

They're snuggling into Kurt's bed, still coming down from the high and panting into each others mouths when Kurt asks the question that has been bothering him for the two weeks he and Blaine had been back together.

"Blaine? Can I ask you something?" Kurt says holding Blaine's wrists.

"After that you can ask me anything," Blaine smiles before going in for another deep kiss.

Kurt moans around Blaine's tongue before remembering he even had a question. He pulls back and slowly opens his eyes to the hazel ones focused on him. "While we were broken up did you… did you hurt yourself at all?"

Blaine's sweet smile falls slowly, but his gaze doesn't waver, "Honestly; I thought about it." Kurt's face crumbles, "I know my scars aren't really that noticeable if you don't already know they're there, but I see them every day. I think about hurting myself every day. I hated myself for a while after what I did. I thought you hated me. But I couldn't stop picturing your face after you first found out, and I couldn't do it. I didn't want to see you hurting anymore."

Kurt blinks back tears, "I love you. I love you just as impossibly much as I always did."

Blaine leans in to kiss Kurt's teary smile, whispering into his open mouth, "Thank you."


End file.
